Moving to Lyneham

So! You are thinking of moving to Lyneham. This page is to give you a brief insight into ‘life in Lyneham’ which may persuade you to come and live here, or steer well clear. Either way, we hope you find this page useful!

The Good Points

Affordable Housing

There is normally plenty to choose from. From orginal cottages, ex local authority homes, ex MOD homes and a couple of modern housing estates offering mainly 2 and 3 bed terraced homes. Not a huge choice in upmarket homes though so if your looking to spend more than say £180K best look elsewhere! If you are looking to buy a house speak with our local mortgage broker from they specialise in bad credit, self employed and remortgaging with a network of specialists up and down the country.

Homes to rent

There is normally a good choice of reasonably priced homes to rent. A lot of property in Lyneham is bought specifically to rent out!

Choice of Takeaways

You can eat something different everynight if you wanted to! Chinese, two indians, Pizza parlour, Kebab house & Fish & Chips! There’s a greasy spoon Cafe here too!

No snobs

You’ll find most Lyneham folk are just normal working class types. It certainly is not a posh village so if your looking for status, you’d better look elsewhere!

Two Supermarkets

With a fairly large Londis selling a wide range of products, albeit a bit pricey and a Tesco Express store you’ll find pretty much everything you will need locally!

A Petrol Station

Another useful village asset, although a few moaning twats in the village seem to think the owner can sell fuel at the same price of the large outlets or supermarkets (Durr!)

A Whore House!

Yep, located just outside the village on the Banks with a choice of not so fine and not so young ladies!

Other Shops!

There is also a Florist, Thrift shop, Charity Shop, Insurance broker, Barber shop, Pet grooming palour, 3 car sales yards, a choice of around 4 car workshops and a farm shop close by!


There is normally something going on or kicking off in one of the locals. As it’s mainly a working class ‘village’ you’ll find many a drinker everywhere. If you like ya drink and socialising, you’ll find Lyneham ok (as long as you can escape every now and then)


If your a ‘toker’ then join the gang! lol.. A very popular past time here in Lyneham!

The Bad Points

Bit rough round the edges!

Although we have a village status, Lyneham does not feel very much like one. This is mainly down to the RAF’s presence which, even once they have gone, will remain with Lyneham forever. Saying that though, if you ain’t posh and can’t afford proper villager life like Castle Combe, Hullavington, Bremhill etc etc, you’ll fit in! You won’t find that many nice looking buildings either. The vast majority of Lyneham is Council houses and MOD houses and few modern thrown up in 2 days houses.

Heavy Lorries

You’ll see plenty of these hurtling through the centre of the village!

Few Knobheads!

There are a handful of knobheads living here although they do tend to keep to their own very small circle of chums. One in particular thinks he’s the fucking Mayor of Lyneham and will try to dictate morals to you. It’s just a shame he can’t afford to go live in a proper village!


Plenty of these hanging out all over the place, which you will just have to get used to. What with all the RAF and Army families coming and going, it’s an age old problem for Lyneham. To be fair though, they really ain’t that bad considering. A bit of underage drinking, litter petty crime and skateboarding in the street – but hey ho! It’s better than getting ya car knicked, granny mugged etc!


Despite their presence, they don’t actually contribute much to the ‘village’ way of life and it’s a bit late for them to start now anyway, seeing as they are going in a few years (hurrah!)

Not a great deal to do!

If your fine with just drinking and socialising great! If your looking for something a bit more adventurous than walking up our famous dog shit alley, you’ll have to look elsewhere! They say a lot of Wiltshire is of outstanding natural beauty, but you’ll find the immediate countryside a bit bland.

No late night drinking

You’ll have to travel to Swindon for this as the locals shut around 1am at the weekends. Still, there is normally a party going on somewhere!

Dog Shit n Litter!

Plenty of both around the village! But then, a lack of bins or lack of pride in the village does not help